Vignettes of Ruin and...

Spectoris (the God of Living Vicariously Through Many Fictions)

In Sloth on January 29, 2011 at 7:15 pm

When Vincent disappears for the night, refusing to answer my calls or texts, I know the inevitable has happened and in spite of his promises not to do so, he has gone on pilgrimage to worship Intoxicatus. This does not always immediately upset me. In fact, sometimes, I am relieved, terrible though that may sound. But his absence signals peace, time to myself, glorious time to call my own, if only for a few hours before the nerves in my stomach begin to knot and I can no longer sit still in solitude.

At a loose end, and too worn out to apply myself to something contstructive, I immediately think, “I need to lose myself in something, I need to give my mind a break.” That is when I think of Spectoris, the God of Living Vicariously through Many Fictions. He promises these things, for seemingly nothing more than the price of a TV DVD boxset.

Ordinary television makes a mockery of Spectoris. Programmes are broken up into digestible segments, interspersed with apalling and endless, reptitive commercials. But TV DVD Boxsets allow the watcher to be more fully immersed in his prayer, to invest in the lives of the characters and laugh and cry at their triumphs and failures. For a moment, we can partake in a sense of hope, a feeling that we may have lost in the reality of our fraught lives.

-You want to make my dreams come true, then marry me tonight, says Daphne Moon to Niles Crane.

But that price I originally paid, the price I thought ended with the credit card being swiped through the machine in the media outlet, well, that was not the true price. The price I thought ended with my receipt carelessly thrown in my general direction, floating past my outstretched palm and on to the counter, no, that was not the true cost of wrapping myself up in the lives of people who never were.

My free time ceases to be free time, I happily give it up to Spectoris in exchange for a brief immersion in perfect worlds, where the woman eventually gets the man, and it’s great, just great.

I have been wearing these pyjmas for a least two weeks for days. I am on episode 235 out of about 264. 5875 minutes, 98 hours. The Frasier box set has 11 seasons. I watch one after the other, never stopping except to make another pot of tea. Then it’s Breaking Bad Season 2. Then it’s Dollhouse Season 1 & 2. Then it’s Smallville Season 9.

The phone rings and jolts me from my reverie.

-Leave me alone Mam, I will have to call you another time.

-But I have not heard form you in so long, I am worried about you, you know I love you, don’t you?

-Yes Mam, bye Mam, another time Mam.

Sadly, sometimes, after investing so much time in an unreal life, I cannot handle being interupted by real life. I am just a faithful Spectator.

  1. I just want to say you have one of the most original blogs I have ever read. The whole idea of Gods of Vice and your writing are absolutely brilliant.

  2. Yes, but nothing short of wretchedly heartbreaking.

    M’dear, when you are free, honestly free (in the most liberation definition of love), I could not imagine how full of colour your writings may be. Currently you have the ability to describe grayness beautifully. Just imagine freedom in colour. 🙂

    I want to be around when it happens. Keyword: when.

  3. Hey I heard you like Final Fantasy. So which one is your favorite?

  4. Awesome… I just love this blog of yours…

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