Vignettes of Ruin and...

Procrastinatus (the Minor Deity of False Comfort)

In Sloth on March 14, 2011 at 1:42 pm

All I wanted, to begin with, was sleep. Friends’ phone calls would be ignored, their text messages unanswered. I fought off invitations to parties with flimsy excuses. “I’m exhausted,” I would cry. “I promise I’ll attend the next one.” I would read their concerned emails, but didn’t know how to reply. I didn’t feel as though I could compose my thoughts, or maybe it was that I didn’t feel like trying. “I’ll do it later,” I would say, closing the tab in my browser.

One by one, my friends dropped from my life. Was this my choice? I can’t quite tell.

I did not limit this to mere electronic correspondence. Leaving things till later is a darkly sinister haze that has completely pervaded all areas of my life. I pledge to myself to write, write, write, and I never do. I was far too slow after high school to seek a career for myself, and though I did eventually make a move to change this five years later, I am now stuck in a university I detest, studying things that I care less for every day, surrounded by teenagers who I am too old to have anything in common with. I ward away would-be friends whose hands offer to pull me out of the darkness.

I am a slave to Procrastinatus, the god of the ease found in forever postponing that which frightens me.

He appeared to me first as a friend, a reprieve from the accumulated stresses that threatened to tear me apart. “You don’t need to work so hard,” he had said, slitheringly. “Allow yourself a day of rest, for you can always attend to your duties tomorrow, or even next year.” His touch felt so liberating, his words so comforting, that I, staring right into his face, could not admit to myself what an ugly creature he was.

Now I am bound to him, and he leers at me in each of my waking moments. Procrastinatus’ voice is the lullaby that sings me numbly to sleep. He has taken in another follower whose struggles against his reins are always left until tomorrow. I am deflated, a shell defined only by her slavish devotion to Procrastinatus.

But, like a slave, I dream fleetingly of escape. The lies he has fed me, the bonds that hold me here – they are thin as paper. I could change all of this today. But why bother? I could do that tomorrow, next week, next year.

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  1. The above is written by Katie. Like what you read? Then visit her blog at http://alivetinyworld.wordpress.com/

  2. Wow… other people are already writing about the gods??? Awesome… There will be endless gods then… I’m ashamed to say this god haunts my life since the beginning and will probably do it till the end. Procrastinatus is more of a devil to me. It robs years of my life filling those with empty anxiety and fear of pushing forward…

    • I think we have all succumbed to the will of this one a many on occassion! Will I, won’t I, what if…if I don’t do anything at all I can avoid the consequences of the decision or action I feel pressured into making. Not dealing with the issue may initially feel liberating, but eventually we realise we are rooted and stagnant. What is the difference between a devil and a god? In Irish, we say “Dia” for god, and “Diabhal” for devil. We recognise the link between the two. Devil sounds a lot like the word divine.

  3. I can so relate to this.
    It’s encouraged me to get off social networking sites this afternoon and actually get my work done that I need to do. Go away Procrastinatus! And then I should go to sleep before midnight and not stay up all night watching videos on my phone in bed. *determined*
    Thanks Katie 😀

    • Glad it helped someone (says the person who napped throughout the whole afternoon instead of doing WORK THAT’S DUE TOMORROW OMG)

      Thanks again to the Gods’ leader for letting me write this here, because just doing so makes me feel a little more determined in overcoming Procrastinatus, too.

  4. Beautiful writing, Katie!
    ‘Why put off till tomorrow, what you can put off till the day after’.
    I’m another who has to deal with Procrastinatus before actually doing anything. When I was at university (and had three children) I would iron everything in my linen cupboard before I could start an essay. And I would iron it again before the next one – even if it hadn’t been used in between!

  5. Ahh, I am gradually biting my chains from this one 🙂 though not completely free – i should be by next week 😛

  6. My goodness, I think I have just read about myself! Wonderfully written. Thank you 🙂

  7. Well written, Katie, your angst can be tasted for sure. I, like everyone, have struggled with this god of procrastination and apathy. Sometimes it can be confusing when trying to determine whether or not one is actually accomplishing something at its fullest potential,and when one is falling short. But it is painful indeed KNOWING that one is allowing procrastination to rule the day.
    I enjoyed your post and subscribed as well. I am an artist and at times approach some of the same subject matter at my blog. Please check it out.
    Namaste
    Walter

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